Poem | The Grip of Fear

By Eddlynn Jennifer Mangaoang

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Fear crawled from my toes

Tickling my senses and settling in my stomach

Fear churned within my thoughts of

Broken hearts not necessarily mine

From my stomach, fear gradually reached

The mouth which refuses to speak

Of truth that may or may not destroy

    The future

    My future

    Their future

Fear refused to let go

Fear hid behind my drowsy eyes

Behind my faux smile

Behind the melodious voice

I used to sing

Behind the graceful moves I showed

When I am dancing

Fear gripping me

Fear gripped me like a 

Boa constricting its body around its victim

Slowly, gradually squeezing the life out of it

The life out of me

But fear I release you

I release you

I release fear constantly rearing

Its head upon me for months

Months in which I cry and worry

I release you 

With the sound of my cracked voice

Shouting

Shouting so painfully

I release you

With movements I never thought

I could do

Tumbling and bending

Falling on my knees

Tiring myself until I fall asleep

I release fear of yesterday

Yesterday during that morning

The morning when the darkness engulfed me

The morning in which fear started to creep in

I release fear of tomorrow

Tomorrow with the sunrise

The sunrise that brought the fear

Of not knowing what to say

The fear of not knowing what to do

The fear of not knowing how to face

The reality in which I must put them through

    The fear of not knowing

    The fear of not knowing

    The fear of not knowing

I sat still contemplating

Thinking

Comprehending

Understanding that whatever I say

It will break them

It had broken me

For I do not wish their pity

I do not wish their uncertainty

I do not wish the fear they feared I fear

And so, I am releasing myself from fear

For yesterday and tomorrow fear did not know

For the present, the now, the me right now

Releases the fear which crippled me
Releases the fear which frozen me

Releases the fear which thwarted me

I release you

For I am not afraid anymore

    For I am brave

    For I am brave

    I am brave

    I am brave

Brave to face the fear