By Eddlynn Jennifer Mangaoang
Written December 20, 2021
Please do not copy or post to another site. Thank you. Enjoy reading.
SB19 'What?' Official MV
It's been a year since I became a fan of SB19. In truth, I felt as if it's been years. I guessed it was because my sister was (still is) a fan of the Filipino boy group since their debut. I've the pleasure of listening to their earlier songs, "Tilaluha" and "Go Up" because of her. In addition, I occasionally saw them perform in "Aja Aja Tayo!", a Filipino-Korean television show. It was pretty interesting because I really didn't know them, but when I saw some of their vlogs, I thought they're really familiar.
In 2020, the pandemic and its consequences were a huge boulder of emotions, pains, and uncertainties. I believed I mentioned this a couple of times, but I was in so much pain emotionally in 2019 and 2020 because of my disrupted life thanks to my failed course. I had to face the realities of having to choose different forks in my path because the previous straight road had become so tumultuous and barricaded with tall walls I couldn't break through.
When I was watching videos of and about SB19, the bashing, the rude comments, the insulting interviews - everything - I was heartbroken, but also stupefied. "How could they come out stronger from such adversities?" They mentioned "Go Up" was their supposed last song - either they make it or they disband with this song. It was such an appropriate song for them. Literally.
Over the course of 2020, I listened to their songs, and truthfully, I literally fell in love with "Love Goes." It reminded me so much of West Life, N'Sync, Backstreet Boys - all of these boy bands/boy groups in the late 1990s to early 2000s. The beat was to my taste and the lyrics were great.
2021 rolled in and their promised new single was on fire. I still thought that just by following the timeline of "Pagsibol" - their album, and the activities they had this year, I had the most satisfying and speedy year.
When I heard "What?" I was in dazed. So dazed that I wanted to cry. The first verse accurately described what I wanted to put out there - in the world.
Here's the first verse (Source: LyricFind)
Nagsimula na pero wala na 'kong balak na tapusin
It has already started but I have no plan (intention) of ending it
'Di ibig sabihin 'pag 'di tinapos, ako'y hihinto na rin
Not ending it does not mean I'm also stopping
Alam ko naman na 'di ako'ng pinaka-ano, magaling
I do know I'm not the what, best
Got no biz with all of you, please
Destiny's I'll be better and-
When I entered the university, I declared my major: Pre-Nursing (then later on, Nursing) because I was a Filipino - well, partly. In truth, I graduated high school knowing that I'll either be a nurse or someone who deals with the law. I wanted to become a nurse because it was my dream to do humanitarian activities in other countries, and I felt becoming a nurse would give a boost in helping others. I wanted to start in my own country. I felt as if not a lot of the Filipino citizens were getting the health benefits that they needed. We could see how important nurses and nurse volunteers right now during pandemic. There were nurse volunteers who would wade rushing waters and climb tall mountains just so they could vaccinate individuals who were stuck some place without vaccine or other medical help. I wanted to do that.
When I first failed one of my courses - my Med-Surg class - I was devastated. I didn't know what to do. They would say, when you fail, try again, and I did. Then I failed again. When I saw I was failing my second try, I came to the point of questioning if this was what I wanted, if I should try again, if I could handle the pain of disappointing my parents, my sibling, myself... I was in a lot of self-hatred I would cry at night. It was so painful.
I masked everything with smile and laughter, but in truth, I was in pain. When I went to talk to my faculty advisor, I told her I have to leave. I have to quit. I spent a semester without really thinking about what other major I could take. I talked to several advisors for any advice, but I was just so empty. I found myself taking English classes - they're writing workshops. I was able to write poems and stories that reflected what I was thinking during those times, during that year.
When I declared Public Health as a major around November 2020, I didn't even know if I was doing something right. What did I know about Public Health? Could I get a job with such a degree? How would I answer if someone asked me about it? It was total chaos. Yes, I took the classes, but I didn't even know if I'm doing everything right.
Came March 2021 and the released of "What?". When I first heard those lines from Pablo, I got shivers, especially with the first two lines. I started Nursing, but I couldn't finish it. Just because I didn't finish it doesn't mean I'll have to stop there. My dream was to be a part of humanitarian missions, and guessed what? One of Public Health's goal was humanitarian mission - to educate, promote, and help countries be able to become healthy nations using sustainable projects. I came full circle, but now I found myself in a place that truly aligned to my beliefs and my passion. I felt more confident about the things that I do and I believed I found a piece of me, of my self-identity, by becoming a Public Health student. SB19's "What?" made me realize that I didn't need to be perfect. I didn't need to be the best for others. I just need to be me. "Destiny's I'll be better".
For more information about SB19, check out these social media platforms:
Hashtags:
#SB19 #SB19_Ken #SB19_Josh #SB19_Justin #SB19_Pablo #SB19_Stell
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